Another year has gone by in the blink of an eye, which is funny because I remember writing this 31st birthday post last June harboring the secret that I was pregnant & feeling like I had the longest time ahead of me. Little did I know what was truly ahead of me, but it’s remarkable that I still recall the magnitude of emotions & feelings I had 365 days ago. I was only a couple weeks along, had NO IDEA I was carrying two (yet) and very bummed I wouldn’t be celebrating my birthday with a glass of wine (let alone a sip or two, guilt-free.) Of course, those surface-level thoughts are to be expected when you’re newly expecting for the first time. Then the 3rd Trimester hits you with the rude reality of how miserable 3D printing a human can make your hosting body feel. Oh the joys! But looks like I made it another trip around the sun and for that & the health of my family, I’m very grateful.
Seeing that I spent 7 months of my 31st year preggo, my list of 32 things has been influenced strongly by my circumstances. However, I feel now more than ever that I TRULY understand myself better than I could have known. Pregnancy was not enjoyable for me, but being gifted with the opportunity to be able to carry our girls (let alone to 37 weeks) is something I’ll never ever take for granted. My mental, emotional, & physical state were tested under some of the most daunting circumstances – for which I’m thankful to have endured now that I’ve been able to reflect properly. If there’s anything I wish to advocate indefinitely, it’s the importance of making yourself a PRIORITY during this season of child-bearing & raising. I know it’s easier said than done but if I can somehow manage to be in better mental/emotional shape now at 5 months postpartum than I was pre-pregnancy, there’s some merit behind ensuring my cup is full each & every day.
CHEERS TO 32 & THE THINGS I’VE LEARNED UP TO THIS POINT!
ON RELATIONSHIPS
Put in the effort you wish to receive in return, but know when to step back if your efforts remain one-sided
Communication leads to the presentation an outcome, whether it’s the one you’re hoping for or not. You’ll be led towards the direction you’re meant to take regardless. Don’t let failure to talk or speak up keep you from what can/should be.
Not all people are mind readers – be direct if something is troubling you, but understand it’s not their responsibility to anticipate your every emotion or feeling, given the situation
Everyone handles stress differently, be patient with certain coping mechanisms
The ones who check-in from time to time, no matter the season of life you’re in, are the real deal
The people who respect your boundaries are the ones to keep close
ON FAMILY MATTERS
Remember that families are made of imperfect people, raising imperfect people; everyone is doing their best with what they know/can do/have learned
You’ll discover your *reason* for doing certain things originates from a family-figure, more often than not
Set boundaries where applicable & not without cause
There will be many things you’ll wish to do differently than what was taught to you, and that’s perfectly ok
Spend that extra hour visiting even though it’s late, enthusiastically listen to a story you’ve heard a thousand times, answering that 10th text in a row – all of those opportunities seem harmless to opt out on, but that time together is fleeting
You’ll realize how much sacrifice your parental figures endured once you have a child of your own; it’s a true testament if they were able to raise a happy child into a happy adult
ON CAREER (CHASING)
There will be many times you wish you were further along or question why you’re struggling to keep up; the only reason to continue on is if you get pure joy from the experience, despite the efforts made
Burnout will present itself more frequently the more you want something & improperly execute a strategy to accomplish it
Be practical with your expectations, of yourself & those you work with
Set realistic deadlines & goals each day, then each week; one monthly goal (max)
Burning bridges leave lasting embers; a reminder that word spreads & people talk about how you conduct business
Do not spend time working on anything that doesn’t fulfill you or for anyone who doesn’t value you; life is far too short
ON HARSH REALITIES
When it comes to luck, you make your own
Not everyone is going to like you, nor have a reason for it
In some people’s lifetime, you’ll play the villain more than the hero
We’re meant to play the cards we’re dealt, even the losing hand(s)
Not every day will be a productive or intentional one, no matter how hard you aim for it to be
You can only do so much at times; falling short is part of life
ON PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT
It’s ok to say NO & not give an explanation
Remind yourself to be present, even if the moment feels like any other
There’s nothing more important than a quality night’s sleep for the brain
How you talk to yourself when no one’s looking affects how you present yourself to everyone
Take time to reflect on how far you’ve come, especially when you’re feeling defeated; look at old photos during a moment in life that was difficult & compare them to something taken more recently – instant boost of serotonin
The positive energy you put out there is the one you’ll equally receive – kindness, generosity, health & happiness
Be thankful for all the things often taken for granted – the ability to take a deep breath, to go for a walk or run, access to clean water & electricity, for the use of all 5 senses, etc.
Embrace the fact you’re living in the “Good Old Days” right now
Your writing is bery beautiful Tilden, wise beyond your time. I feel anyone of any age can gain something from your experiences and insightful wisdom.
We can be hard on ourselves especially when we think we should be further alone as do I frequently.
Happy Birthday and thank you for this piece.